april 7, 2008

It's enough to know that I will try and I won't have that regret hanging over my head. =) But everything takes time. People seem more and more impatient (including myself).. to learn from their mistakes.. to move forward and grow to become who it is they want to be. I've talked with a particular friend and it irks me because we both put forth so much effort and energy asking ourselves why we haven't grown to our fullest potential, and also why we're not content with where we're at - it's exhausting. But I figure that time isn't the only factor. Experience. Patience. I need to stop and think about the future and take careful steps to reach what I envision in my mind as success. But these things can't be rushed and can't really be sought. I'm not preaching, i'm instilling this thought in my mind so I know not to expect anything. Things need to unfold naturally. But it's fine to feel discouraged- waiting, wishing, hoping because life throws you blessings when you least expect it and that's when it feels the most deserved.

So I've been feeling silly again. I hate this feeling just as much as I love it. I am that girl.. the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, who trusts before she knows, who follows what is best for her emotionally, not logically. I do indulge in taking risks if I feel it's worth it. Silly risks, thoughts, and words. I enjoy spontaneity, but I still am longing for some consistency. Not now, but someday. These things just happen. I wish, too, for someone to prove to me it's worth it because I no longer believe that it is. Prove me wrong.

I want to do things because they feel right,
not because they're the right thing to do.